The Agony of the Truth
by elsiecarson
Summary: When Boyd finally goes to the morgue to identify his son's body he breaks down. He knows there are things he has to do, including telling his ex, but he finds himself heading back to work unsure what else to do. Grace naturally notices the change in behaviour.
1. Chapter 1

"That's my son!" Boyd sobs and sinks to his knees in the morgue. The medical examiner turns out the lights and lets Boyd get his emotions out. He sits on the cold concrete floor of the morgue and cries. He knows he has to tell his ex-wife, but he can't face it right now. He decides to go to the office where he can be useful. He needs to work. He dries his eyes, stands up, kisses his son and leaves the morgue. What he really wants is a drink.

Boyd get back to the office, walks past everyone without speaking and shuts himself in his office. Grace immediately notices his red eyes. She knows him well enough to know he never cries. She's concerned about him, but she doesn't know whether to talk to him now. Grace watches him for a few minutes and notices him sink his head onto his forearms. She decides to intervene.

Grace stands up and walks next door to Boyd's office. "Boyd?" Grace asks gently. She pauses and in the silence she can hear him crying. She shuts the blinds at the front of Boyd's office. She walks around the side of Boyd's desk and kneels in front of him. "Boyd?" Grace asks again. Boyd turns towards Grace and collapses against her. Grace puts her arms around him. "What's going on Boyd?"

"This is the worst day of my life, Grace. I just came back from the morgue." Boyd says heavily. He knows Grace won't give up until she knows what's going on.

"The morgue?! Boyd, what were you doing there? You hate the morgue." Grace is surprised.

"A body was found carrying my card. It had my personal mobile number written on the back in my handwriting. They asked me to come and identify the body." Boyd sighs heavily.

"And who was it? Do you know the person?" Grace fears the answer, but already suspects.

"It's really bad, Grace. I know him really well. All my worst fears came true today. It was Luke, Grace. My son is dead!" Boyd sobs. He was trying to detach himself from the event with his first three statements. "Luke's gone!"

"Oh Boyd, why are you here? You should be with your ex-wife. You're going to have to tell her. You're grieving, Boyd. There's no need for you to be here." Grace hugs him tightly. "Can I take you home?"

"I need to be here, Grace. I need to be busy. I can't be alone. Please Grace." Boyd pleads with Grace.

"You don't have to be alone, but you are going home unless you want questions from your team. I'll even cook if you want." Grace tries to persuade Boyd. She can feel him sigh heavily against her.

"I don't know if I want to go home." Boyd admits quietly.

"I know, Boyd, but you'll have to eventually. I'll be there with you." Grace reassures Boyd.

"We need to do something first. Will you come in with me when I tell Mary?" Boyd asks as he sits up a little.

"Of course I will, Boyd. Let's get you cleaned up a little bit and then we can go. I'll be right back." Grace goes into her office, picks up her purse, and goes back to Boyd's office without making eye contact with the rest of the team. "Here Boyd." Grace finds some wipes in her purse. "Close your eyes." Grace gently wipes Boyd's face with the cool wipes.


	2. How Do I Tell Her?

"Okay, let's go. Don't forget your coat." Grace reminds Boyd gently.

Once Grace and Boyd are in the car Boyd asks, "How do I tell Mary? She's going to blame me because I told her to leave him in jail a little more often."

"You just have to tell her the truth, Boyd. You have to be open with her no matter how much it hurts." Grace says honestly.

"I can't do this, Grace. I can't tell her our son is gone. This is going to crush her. She'll try to kill me. She warned me this would happen. Boyd says seriously.

"What did happen Boyd?" Grace asks gently. She doesn't want to push Boyd.

"He overdosed, Grace. He was a male prostitute and he overdosed on cocaine." Boyd pulls his knees up and sits his feet on the edge of the seat.

"When did you find out he was a prostitute, Boyd? You never told me that." Grace asks carefully.

"Luke called and I found out where he was living and I went to meet him. When I got into the "flat" Luke was on his knees on the floor giving oral sex to a man and there was a wad of cash on the floor next to him. I was devastated. His "client" was lucky I didn't kill him. I never told Mary. She still doesn't know. I don't want to tell Mary now, but if I don't and she starts going through Luke's things she may find out. I don't know what to do, Grace." Boyd says seriously.

"You have to be honest with her, Boyd. This may be your last chance. After Luke's funeral you and Jenny will no longer have a connection to each other. Do this while you have the chance." Grace advises Boyd.

"What would I do without you, Grace?" Boyd asks with a small smile. "Let's go before I change my mind. We need to go south of the Thames."

"Oh, your favourite place." Grace says sarcastically. "How are you going to handle this?"

"I don't know, Grace. I just know right now I feel like I never want to be alone again. I've lost everything and I've realized I hate being alone." Boyd says heavily. "I can't believe it's taken me this long to realize that."

Grace reaches over and squeezes Boyd's hand. She can't imagine what he's going through. She thinks about her girls and reminds herself to call them just so she can say, "I love you".

Boyd directs Grace to Mary's house after she drives across a bridge. He gets more nervous the closer to Mary's house they get.


	3. The Worst News a Parent Can Ever Hear

Grace pulls up in front of Mary's house and notices the car in the drive. She hears Boyd sigh heavily next to her. "Are you ready for this, Boyd?"

"No, I'm not, but I never will be so let's just do this before I throw up." Boyd says determinedly.

Grace and Boyd climb out of the car and when Boyd gets to the sidewalk he reaches for her hand for reassurance. They walk slowly up the driveway. Boyd knocks on the door. "Let me talk, okay Grace?"

"Of course Boyd." Grace says solemnly. She's worried about how Mary will react to his revelation.

He continues to hold Grace's hand as the front door opens. "Mary, can we come in?" Boyd asks gently.

"Peter? This is a surprise." Mary observes Boyd for a moment. "Something's wrong, isn't it?

"It's not good Mary. Let Grace and I come in and I'll try and explain what happened." Boyd says heavily.

"Come in Peter. You must be Grace Foley. I've seen your picture in the paper with Peter's." Mary talks to Grace as they walk down the hallway.

"Yes, that's me." Grace says with a smile. Boyd is still holding her hand tightly. "Boyd, loosen your grip a little. I can't feel my hand."

"Sorry Grace." Boyd murmurs quietly. He sits down on the couch in the sitting room and tugs on her hand to sit next to him. "Sit down Mary. This is going to be a tough conversation."

Mary sits next to Boyd and holds his other hand. "Tell me Peter. It can't be worse than what I've imagined."

"Yes, it can Mary. It can be much worse. I need you to be strong. It's important for both of us." Boyd says seriously.

Mary puts her hand on Boyd's cheek. "Tell me Peter."

"I got a call from one of the other police stations. They had found a body that had my card on it with my personal mobile number written on the back." Boyd sighs heavily.

"Oh Peter, no." Mary says shakily.

"I had to go down to the morgue to identify the body. I thought I was ready, but I wasn't. It was Luke, Mary. He's gone. Our baby died of a drug overdose all alone in the world." Boyd cries as he tells his ex-wife what happened.

"No Peter! You promised me if we let Luke fall he'd pick himself up and change his life! You told me to let him wallow in jail! I wanted to bring him home and have him stay with me and you told me not to! No! No! No! This isn't happening!" Mary pounds on Boyd's chest with her fists.

"I'm so sorry, Mary. I really thought Luke would pull out of it. He promised me he would. I told him if he needed help with anything he could contact me and I would use my connections to get him into rehab. I never heard from him again. Every time my personal mobile rang I hoped it was him." Boyd says honestly.

"There's something else, isn't there Peter?" Mary asks gently as tears pour down her face.

"There is, but I'm hesitant to tell you. It's only going to make you feel worse." Boyd says cautiously.

"Tell me Peter. I need to know everything."

Boyd pulls his hands away from Mary and Grace and runs his hands over his face. "Did he ever tell you how he was making money, Mary?"

"No. Why? Did he tell you what he was doing? He never said anything to me."

Boyd takes a deep breath. "He was working as a male prostitute, Mary. I caught him at it when I went to see where he was staying."

"Oh Peter! I didn't know things were that dire! Was he having sex with other men?" Mary asks as she hugs Peter.

"Apparently that was his exclusive clientele. He was young and thin and men like him. He had no shortage of expendable cash for his drug habit. He was skin and bone when he died, Mary."

"Do you know what he was taking?"

"I do now. Luke wouldn't tell me, but the coroner told me he overdose on cocaine."

"Oh Peter, did they do an autopsy on him? Will it be obvious when we bury him?" Mary sobs on Peter's shoulder.

"Grace, can you make some tea?" Boyd whispers to her.

"Of course Boyd." Grace stands up and heads to the kitchen.

"Mary, they had to do an autopsy. It was a suspicious death. It won't be obvious when he's dressed though, but he does outwardly look like a drug addict. He doesn't look the same as you remember."

"I can't believe he's gone." Mary cries as Peter holds her.

"Here, I brought tea, and biscuits and I made some sandwiches from the ingredients on the fridge." Grace comes in carrying a tray.

"Thanks Grace, you always go above and beyond. I appreciate what you're doing." Boyd leans over and kisses Grace's cheek.

"Why did you come, Grace?" Mary asks as Boyd pours her a cup of tea.

"I had to come and support Boyd. I was the first person he saw when he came back to the office from the morgue. He was devastated. I think my sweater has finally dried out. He blurted everything out to me." Grace says honestly. "He needed to talk to someone and he really only talks openly with me."

"I'm glad you have someone to talk to, Peter. You don't talk easily, so if you can talk to Grace, talk to her. You're going to need her support." Mary says sweetly.

"Who do you have to talk to, Mary? You can always call me, but I know the nights are going to be the worst for me." Boyd asks gently.

"I think I'll call mum and get her to come and stay for a while."

"That's a good idea, sweetheart. I just want you to know you can call me any time day or night. I'm here for you."

"Promise, Peter?"

"I promise, Mary. I wasn't very good with you when we were married, but I'm here for you now. Now, you and I need to have something to eat. Grace makes amazing sandwiches, so have one those and your tea." Boyd leans back against the sofa.

"Are you going to stay for a while?" Mary asks as she picks up a sandwich.

"I'll stay as long as you want me to. I'm exhausted actually, but I think it's emotional exhaustion more than anything at this point." Boyd sighs tiredly.

Mary reaches out and smoothes Peter's hair back from his face. "You and I are going to get through this, Peter. Stick with Grace. She'll get you through this."

"You have to eat something, Boyd. You never eat breakfast and it now well past lunch. So please, at least have a sandwich so you don't pass out." Grace pleads with Boyd.

"God, now I have to deal with Mary and you. Thanks for looking after me, Grace."

"Somebody has to look after you, Peter. You never look after yourself. I'm actually surprised you've survived this long."

Boyd grumbles for a minute and then picks up a sandwich. He knows better than to argue with two women. "These are very good Grace. What did you put in here?"

"Well, there were hard-boiled eggs in the fridge so I mixed them with mayonnaise, scallions, celery, and pickle. Some of the filling is still in the fridge for later."

"I didn't even know there were scallions and celery in there." Mary says honestly. "Well done, Grace. You did an amazing job. Will you do me a favour?"

"If I can I will. What do you need from me?"

"It's not something I need. Will you stay with Peter for a few days? I know him well enough to know he won't handle this well because he'll blame himself."

"That is absolutely not necessary Grace. Don't listen to her."

"I will listen to her, Boyd, because you'll never tell anyone if you need help. You need someone who is willing to help you because you internalize everything. Then you let your anger out at whoever is around. I'd rather that be me than someone else."

Boyd sighs. He knows Mary and Grace are right and that bugs him. "If you really feel like I need someone to stay with me I'm okay with that. I'd like Grace to be with me. Is that okay with you, Grace?"

"Yes, that's okay with me, Boyd. I just want you to be safe."

Boyd hugs Grace tightly. "You are too sweet for your own good, Grace, but I appreciate everything you're doing very much."

"You look tired, Boyd. Shall I drive you home? You need to sleep."

Boyd yawns widely. "Will you be okay if I go, Mary?"

"I'll be okay Peter. I'll call my mum after you leave."

"Okay, listen you have my personal mobile number. Call if you need to talk any time."

"Thank you, Peter. Make sure he gets home safe, Grace."

"I will, Mary. I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you and Boyd are going through." Grace says emotionally. "Come on, Boyd. Let's get you home."

"That is the best idea I've heard all day. I'm so tired, Grace."

"I know, Boyd. You've had a long, emotional day. I can bet that you won't feel any better tomorrow either." Grace says gently. She stands up and pulls Boyd up with her. "Where did you put your coat?"

"He probably left it hanging on the banister like he did when we were married."

"I'll go check." Grace smiles at Mary.

"Should I be worried that you and Grace are getting along so well?" Boyd teases Mary.

"No, of course not, Peter. We're just the two people who know you best. We can commiserate."

"Here's your coat, Boyd. Put it on it's cold out there."

Boyd grumbles and pulls his black overcoat on and walks to the front door where he hugs his ex. "Call me, Mary."


End file.
